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Nobody's Perfect

"If someone can fall asleep without making sure you got home safely or not, it means he doesn't love you", someone said via a tweet passing by on timeline.

I just read the tweet a few days before I was on my way home from out of town with a distance of more than six hours.

Before I always thought, I have a boyfriend who always takes care of me, so I don't have to be afraid to travel alone by public transport where I don't know anyone in it. "He's going to accompany me," I thought with all of my confidence.

But what happened that night changed my perspective about him.

About him that I think really cares.

"Babe, I'm going to sleeping okay, be careful, let me know tomorrow if you've arrived", he said ending the conversation session on Whatsapp.

Honestly, it's not the first time I've traveled alone out of town. I'm not afraid, of course. I've been used to being an independent woman for a long time because there's no one I can expect to protect me from.

But it was not a point.

Feelings like being ignored, not being worried, and not being cared. That's how I felt. I know he believed that I was brave. But how could he felt no need to worry? The courage that I had does not necessarily make the possibility of bad things happen to be non-existent, right?

When you give your whole heart to someone, then be prepared to be broke. Maybe he didn't intentionally hurt you. Maybe he didn't mean that. But you're still hurt. Because in the feel that you have, there is also hope. Hope that he'll give you the same feel as you gave him. You're hoping to get as big as you gave him.

But you know, the truth isn’t run that way.

No one can measure the level of one's feeling for us, nor vice versa.

Along the way I thought, why am I so disappointed, while others can think that this is not a big deal. Until finally, I have the answer.

It was my expectations that disappointed me. The expectations that he would be the perfect boyfriend figure, that's what got me hurt. But I forgot that no human being is perfect. And because of the influence of a tweet I read earlier, it made me immediately think that he didn't care about me, just because he didn't accompany my trip that night. And I forgot, the tweet is just someone's perspective, which can't be used as a measure at all in ensuring the level of his feeling to me.


A Whatsapp notification realized me from my fantasy. "I'm really sorry, I'm sorry that my behavior didn't live up to your expectations. But I love you. I really love you. It has to be you", he said on the phone screen.

Yeah. I shouldn't have judged him. It's possible that he loves me in a different way. In a way I didn't think he would. He has the right to choose his own way.

 


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